


Close to Home

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Drama, F/F, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2013-02-22
Packaged: 2017-12-03 05:12:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/694540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“How could someone claim to love their child and put them through something like that?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Close to Home

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 8x15, BROKEN!!!

She was halfway down the stairs when she saw her on the couch. Alex sat with her back against the arm of the couch. Her arms were crossed and her knees drawn to her chest. Her head lolled back but she wasn’t asleep. The TV was on but other than that the room was dark. 

_Imitation of Life_ played across the screen in all of its flashy 50s Technicolor. The television was on mute. Alisha came all the way downstairs and sat down on the couch. She took Alex’s legs, placing them on her lap. When she massaged her it made Alex sigh.

“You couldn’t sleep?”

Alex shook her head. She wanted to speak but there was so much on the tip of her tongue. She was afraid to open her mouth. She had to get more control first. It had been a long time since she felt like this.

“You used to be able to sleep.”

“Things change.”

“There's too much on your plate.” Alisha said.

“As if you're not busy too.” Alex’s tone was defensive, which surprised her ears. “You're always busy.”

“I know that. What’s wrong, Alex? Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear or what you think I can handle. I need you to tell me the truth. I'm worried about you.”

“You never told me how you came out of the closet.”

“What?” Alisha looked at her.

“How did your parents react when you told them that you were gay? How old were you?”

“I was 24. I basically couldn’t hold it in anymore. When I told my brother he said I had to tell my parents the truth. He promised to hold my hand the whole way and he did.”

“Were they disappointed?” Alex asked.

“I’ll never forget my father’s reaction. He said ‘good, maybe you can smile again’. My mother…I can't say she was disappointed. She just ignored it, as she does things she can't control or handle. She ignored it for three years. Then one day she called me out of the blue and told me that she joined a support group for parents of gay people.”

“Really?” her wife was surprised to hear that.

“I don't know how long she stayed in the group. She pretty much still ignores my sexuality but isn’t openly hostile about it. I don't know,” Alisha shrugged. “My story is better than some.”

“I never really said it to my parents. I was working on my Masters degree and went home for fall break. My mother made mention that I hadn't brought a guy home since Julian and I went on the Senior Prom. I told her that I was busy. She kissed my cheek and said that when I was ready I should bring home the person that I love. She said she would love them too. I brought Susan home that Christmas and I was out of the closet.”

“Ahh yes, I remember hearing about Susan.”

“Lish…”

“I'm not going to tease you.” Alisha took her hand, lacing her fingers through Alex’s. “I want you to tell me what's wrong.”

“We shut down a conversion camp last night.”

“Oh shit. I want to pretend those kinds of places don’t exist. They're like bad dreams.”

“This place was a nightmare.” Alex shook her head, trying to get rid of the images. “They drugged the kids. They subjected them to parental sanctioned sexual abuse and pornography. It was disgusting. How could someone claim to love their child and put them through something like that?

“People are delusional.” Alisha replied. “They think they're doing what's best for their kids but…”

“How the hell could they think that?” Alex asked, drawing her knees up to her chest again. “How the hell can you believe that forcing your son to perform sexual acts on a grown woman while you watch is beneficial? This young man was so broken that he killed the men his true nature attracted him to and the women who he couldn’t perform for.”

“He attended a conversion camp?” Alisha asked.

Alex nodded. She sighed and hugged herself. Then Alisha was hugging her too.

“You protect your children.” She whispered. “You protect them at all costs and love them more than you love yourself. I've seen the mothers of vicious, heartless killers love their sons until the needle goes into their veins. There was nothing wrong with these boys, Lish. The damn camp created the problem where none was before. I wanted to burn that place to the ground and curse the land where it once stood.”

“It’s OK.” Alisha stroked her hair. “I know it’s not OK at the moment but its going to be. You saved countless lives shutting that place down.”

“I couldn’t save Mitchell and Paul. That’s something I have to live with.”

“Do you plan to carry it around for the rest of your life?”

“My God, I hope not but I don’t know for sure.” Alex shook her head. “I'm OK. Ow, what did you pinch me for?”

“I'm allowed to pinch you when you're being untruthful, remember? You should come to bed, love. You may not be able to sleep but I'm willing to bet it'll still be better if we lie together. The kids will be up early; you'll need some energy.”

“How long have you wanted to say that to me?” Alex asked, a small smile sliding across her lips.

“Pretty much forever.” Alisha replied. “I want to apologize again for not consulting you though. I didn’t know when you were coming back.”

“Lynn and Mike were in a jam and you were being a good friend. I'm not going to be around much…I doubt I’ll be able to help.”

“It’s OK.” Alisha turned off the television. “C'mon, you have a 9:30 class in the morning.”

“You might know my schedule better than I do. I'm so glad I canceled office hours.”

Alex let Alisha pull her up from the couch. They stood on the carpet and held each other. Alex got choked up, holding her wife tighter. She was strong, she was always strong even when she had no idea how she would hold it all together. 

She was just so glad that she wasn’t alone anymore. There was a lot of stress; pressure to be the best agent and the best professor. Alex put much of it on herself but that didn’t mean she could just stop. Five months in and this case might be the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“Tell me what you need.” Alisha said.

“I need about 15 hours of sleep.”

“I could help with that.”

“There's work in the morning.” Alex reasoned.

“There's always work.”

“I’ll stay in this weekend.”

“You could be in another town this weekend.” Alisha said.

“I'm staying in anyway.”

“Well I'm going to stay with you.”

“We can have a party for two.” Alex kissed her. “I love you, Lish.”

“I love you too. Are you feeling better?”

“No, but I will be. I promise.”

“Saturday morning we can make a big breakfast and you can fascinate the twins with a lively discussion on the origin of certain nursery rhymes.”

They walked up the stairs holding hands. Alex didn’t bother to hold back her yawn. She was exhausted but had no idea if she’d be able to sleep.

“How long have you been waiting to say that?” she asked.

Alisha squeezed her hand. They did peek in the guestroom where the twins were asleep. Danielle and Michelle were seven years old; daughters of one of Alisha’s best friends. Alex had been out of town when the week-long volunteering took place. It wasn’t that she disliked kids, the opposite was true. But parenting wasn’t something she just could do with books and brains. It was on a completely different plane.

“They are cute.” Alex said leaning on the doorframe.

“And they're rather brilliant too. I'm their godmother though; there's a lot of bias in that assessment.”

Alex smirked. She went into her bedroom and burrowed under the blankets with the woman she loved. Morning would be there before Alex could blink. It was a new day and she planned to be ready for it. The stress wasn’t going anywhere…she had to rebuild her compartmentalization skills. 

The case threw her for a loop. Knowing someone could damage their child like that under the guise of love pained her. That pain was the difference between her and most of the people she hunted. It was when Unsubs were also victims that things got difficult. They probably could all claim to be in one way or another. 

Alex didn’t fall for most of that. As she tightened her arms around Alisha and closed her eyes, Alex rebuilt the walls. They saved seventeen boys working this case. They couldn’t save two but they saved seventeen. 

The coordinators of Camp Willing would face prosecution and that place would never “convert” another gay teenager. That was a victory. Sometimes, too often, it felt like a Pyrrhic victory. But it was still a victory.

***


End file.
